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Clearing Accounts

Its 12:30 am…

I think I’ve finally made it a habit to blog atleast once a day, since it feels good and makes my head feel a whole lot lighter! As usual Saturday nights I do not sleep too well due to an overdose siesta at afternoons. So while I was still tossing in my bed, I happened to realise a strange inter-relation with what I do and my life’s various question marks. I am an accountant, as I might have mentioned earlier, and right now in the process of closing all the accounts for the month end, so as to tally all the accounting books in the final balance sheet. Sometimes, this can be quite a cumbersome task, and we are almost tempted to skip the step for later, but out of fear of auditors, we keep a deadline check of 7 days. Ofcourse, not to mention the immense sense of achievement, one feels when all the work is complete in orderly fashion…ok enough nerd talk!

Life is very much the same…I’m not going to compare the above with the numerous people we may owe debts to or vice-versa, but its so important to close the accounts of several aspects of a person’s interaction with others. Simple english – always finish what you started, never keep them incomplete.

It had reached 3 am and still no sleep, so I forced myself to continue listing those whom I have hurt or deliberately never worked on reconciling due to my own laziness or perhaps pride?

  • My ex-boss who terminated me: I think I forgave him, he was just doing his job after all, and my performance was an all time low…besides I was in the wrong career anyways.
  • My ex: he never said anything, it was clearly one-sided and more of an infatuation that I failed to see and insisted that it was love. After all I was too immature to understand the difference. So I’ve forgiven myself and him for that.
  • My childhood best friend: Ahan! This is one person who was just left in limbo thanks to me. She and I studied as classmates together since 2nd grade all the way to college, and were almost inseparable. She knew everything about me, and vice versa and no secret was left unshared. I think this was the very start of the problem. We both took it upon ourselves to judge the other, therefore ending up mocking each other for almost every action or decision, especially when it came to relationships. Soon she migrated to a far away continent and though I promised to keep in touch, I never did. I simply closed the chapter and reminded myself that it was her fault all the way. Today, 10 years later I do miss her in a large way, but its too late to explain anyhow. We’ve both changed immensely.
  • My aunt: I remember being so fond of her when I was growing up as a kid, but after her marriage into the family, we didn’t get along too well. Let’s say she was too blunt with her opinions, and myself being a highly inferiority-complexed person, didn’t take it too well. Her encounters terrified me as I wasn’t too sure what would be said next. Gradually as I grew older, my sense of fashion or actions never changed, but I was bold enough to accept myself, and not be bullied. Unfortunately, much of my ’emergence’ involved not meeting my aunt often, giving her the cold shoulder on several occasions and treating her responses as unimportant. Finally, me turning down a job offer that she recommended was the final straw to her patience, and the feelings were mutual ever since. Meeting her at Church or in a common area would definitely be the most awkward of moments.

I got sound sleep after this but just for a few hours till my alarm clock rang and I had to rush to work. I decided to work on these 2 relationships all the same…and just then…..

A friend I barely knew told me that a guy in his office (who actually had introduced me to this friend), was spreading some rumors about me. Too bad I had trusted this guy a tad too much, for which he rewarded me with his apparent gossip. Lesson: Guys can be bitches too! Right now I’m a little hurt, not that angry cos it was afterall my fault, but very upset at how a guy can take advantage of a girl’s weakness. I told Jaan about it, who told me to simply to treat him with sweet revenge, but then I felt reacting would only make the gossip true. So I decided to leave it as it is, and perhaps in a few days (especially after the exciting upcoming weekend) I should be able to recover from it. What’s your opinion?